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Sunday, March 4, 2012

Power Place


I was in my thirties when I landed in my "Power Place".

I arrived in West Virginia fairly unceremoniously, by way of Baltimore City. It was the long way around, to say the least; and NOT the scenic route, either. My ex husband had been hurt in a car accident (his first of TWO, if you can believe that) and this was when Jesse was less than a year old. Times were tough in those early days with two kids and a baby and bills we couldn’t pay.
I did what any self respecting daughter does. I ran home to Mommy, family in tow.

My mom lived (and still lives) in Baltimore City in one of those old "historic" (another word for crappy) row houses. Her neighborhood is infested with rednecks and heroin dealers, but it was cheap and we were welcome to stay with her. We made do and settled into life in the city. My Gypsy caravan parked curbside there for an excruciating ten months of life in the big city of B-More. When the kid’s school let out 8 months later, I started looking around for houses to rent away from the city. A week went by, and then two; a month passed and we were well into summer now. Nothing… I started to feel a small sense of panic. Tim was starting high school and there was NO way I was going to allow him to be bussed out twenty miles from home to attend a school with a metal detector and Baltimore City policemen in the halls. Ten days before school started I
happened to see an ad in the newspaper for a house for rent. "Commuting distance" to Baltimore
and Washington D.C. turned out to be two hours away, in Berkeley Springs, W.Va. When I was younger I was fairly impulsive. Jump now think later, you know?

I did what any self respecting Gypsy does. I jumped, caravan in tow.

In a weekend we went from living in the city and hating to wake up to living on top of a mountain, in the middle of four acres that backed up to twelve thousand acres of state park. And the stars - they took my breath away. I lay down in the grass, on my mountain that night. I thanked the Goddess that led my feet to that place, and I cried like a baby. I let the mountain have it all. The horror of life in the city, the shame of having to live with my mother, the fear for my children’s safety on a daily basis for almost a year, the endless barrage of questions in my own head about WHERE were we going to find work and HOW were we going to support ourselves, and my doubts already forming about my marriage…I cried it all away that night. And the mountain, in return, replaced all those doubts, fears, and shame with a strength that is still with me even to this day.
There were many lessons waiting to be taught, and I would have need of that strength…I think I would have stayed anyway, even had I known all that was to come.

Once the mountain finds a home in you, it is not easily shaken loose.

Tracy Wilson on Facebook
Photo courtesy of morgue file.


6 comments:

  1. I totally get it.. For me it was Idaho.. Never had the mom that would welcome her children home.. Hell, she didn't even want to welcome us home from the hospital, all 7 of us.. So I found Idaho and stayed for a million yrs. until I was strong enough to return "home.."

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    1. That must have been tough- I hated to go to Mom's...but we do what we need to for the kids- until we can do better.
      It's sometimes the better choice between two evils.
      You left your place in Idaho?

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  2. I hope to reach that place someday.

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  3. great story, girl. I know of what you speak about mountains. Many of my years have been spent close to my mountains and my water, I live in Beautiful British Columbia, Canada so every day I get to glimps the rockies and the ocean. It's a boon to one's emotional health to see mother nature's beauty and expanse, to feel little in the sight of such splendor instead of just burdened with day to day tribulations.
    I find I get depressed if I'm away from my mountains & water for too long. It centers me to go sit on rocks and watch the seagulls swoop and play in the jetstream, learning to soar like the eagles, just like Johnathan Livingston Seagull did in the famous book. Actually, it's part of my birthday wish every year to take the day, pack a picnic, buy several loaves of brown bread and go feed the seagulls on the craggy rocks next to the water. It's bliss and the best birthday present I get every year.
    Thanks so much for stopping by and adding such a lovely comment on my blog, I love hearing from bloggy friends. Isn't it funny that we have yet another thing in common. You mentioned the love of paper and ephemera and I the mountains... lol. Kindred spirits.
    I'm now your newest Linky follower tool addition, hope I see you on mine too. Have a great rest of the week Tracy!
    Best,
    Jenn of www.JustAddWaterSilly.com

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    1. Jen your birthday sounds like my kinda time!
      We have a beach here and there are lots of rocks there, but its not a good as the Mountain:)
      Tracy

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