Mr. Wilson and I are embarking on our very own "Incredible Journey".
We decided last Friday to commit to launching our very own nonprofit corporation, and while he is just fine about the whole deal and exuding confidence, (what else is new?) I am a nervous wreck drowning under the normal tidal wave of doubts and fears which accompany any experience that could potentially explode in my face. It’s much more expensive than I had anticipated…but as they say- "in for a penny, in for a pound."
We are officially in for LOTS AND LOTS of pennies.
My fears of starving the kids, living under a bridge on Interstate 95, and being responsible for the financial ruin of our family are all variables of my ever present self-doubt equation. I recognize this for what it is…it’s an internal dialogue I’ve been having for years. I am also completely blessed in that I have a fantastic and savvy partner, and he provides enough confidence in me for both of us. Why is it that we never see ourselves through the eyes of those who love us? I am just as worried about letting him down as I am about being an utter flop at managing a nonprofit. How often do we fail because we are afraid to excel? Is it because we feel we are undeserving of success? That we have no right to happiness? Or that someone examined our cause and found us wanting? Who told us that we came up short? Why do we put ourselves out there and THEN look for any reason that validates the belief that we are somehow inadequate? Are we afraid to succeed? I hear people blame this lack of self confidence on their parents. Mine may not have been Ozzie and Harriet- but they did better than some and at least I’m HERE. I‘ve had my share of achievements in my time, too.
Is it my gender?
Do you think women more do this more than men? I know that as a woman, I feel under immense pressure to "get it all done" and "pull off a miracle"…sometimes it’s nothing more than getting out of bed Monday morning although it has on occasion entailed substantially more effort to pull off that miracle…I see my daughter do it every day, and she stresses about it. I think one of the keys to success is to BELIEVE that we ARE wonderful, sensational, intelligent, and amazing…we’re capable of legendary feats of greatness and Herculean deeds. We are NECESSARY.
I’m so excited to share this process with you, and to be able to document the steps we take on our path and the changes that become realities through our endeavor! Really, I am pleasantly surprised that we have seemingly flown so fast, and so far, in such a short period of time. It feels wonderful to be here, with both feet firmly planted in the process, holding J.C.’s hand- no matter the outcome.
Everything we want is no farther away than our dreams.